November 2003

Honor your value system, because the deeply personal elements make the work satisfying. When it doesn't feel right, there's a reason.

~~ Bill Malley, WorldStream Communications, in Fast Company

Have you ever awakened to find your life so full that YOU just don't fit into it any more?  No time for you, no time for your favorite things, no time to take a deep breath??   I've been looking at my life this year with the full intention "to fit ME in".  As the year has progressed, I have become aware of how full my life really is and how cluttered I have made it.  Given that I am the de-cluttering queen, I was amazed when I really documented all of my activities and discovered just how much I was doing.  Now, most of the time I was doing it well and just about every time, I truly loved what I was doing.

A few situations impacted me and I'd like to share them with you. My dear friend and past Coach, Ginger Cockerham, was amazing during one of our coaching sessions.  Many coaches request change/action immediately, Ginger simply said, "it's ok to be here.  You'll see what we need to do and we go along."  

 

Lesson #1:  The concept of loving yourself just as you are.  It's perfect in the moment for the learning you need at that time in your life.

I had a great conversation with a new and dear friend, Dick Pucer.  Dick very simply reminded me to live by my values.  He said something like this, "What I know about myself is if I take on a project and you are one of my committee people... if you don't do your job, I will do it for you while still doing my own.   The only way I can stop this is to not be involved for a while until I am strong enough to only do the portion I agreed to and say 'no' to the rest."   The impact of this statement was profound.  Given how many things I had on my plate at that time, this statement was the turning point for action. 

 

Lesson #2:  Know yourself well enough to be able to admit your shortcomings and love yourself enough to take action.

Jim Vuocolo, my current Coach, and I have been friends and colleagues for a number of years and his coaching has been so right on lately.  He knows how much I do and have done and all he did was ask me to list my activities and prioritize them.  Like Ginger's request, he asked me to simply be with what I saw without taking action immediately.  I never did make the list on paper but the list kept growing in my head and one day I jumped out of bed in the morning and began to send emails removing myself from a number of committees and organizations.   

 

Lesson#3:  Teachers come along to remind us of basic truths.  When you hear the truth a second and a third time, you're being called to action.

I also had a few friends who had lost someone special to them quite unexpectedly.  There were four different situations and they were all young.  It gave me pause to really think of the amazing gift life gives us.  Most of these people had taken care of themselves (or so it seemed to me) and in a split second, they were gone.   Acknowledging how short life truly is always seems to have an impact on people.   

 

Lesson #4:  Live life like there is no tomorrow, for tomorrow may never come.

Now, none of these situations revealed anything I didn't already know.  The statement, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears" comes to mind.   All of these teachers reminded me to look at what truly mattered to me.  Bottom line, I had to ask myself if I was living by my values -- living by what was most important to me in my life.  I had filled my life with activities, which although fun and definitely in line with my talents, were overshadowing my values.  

 

Lesson #5:  Decluttering your life is just as important as decluttering your home.

Learning to graciously say no is an important part of a healthy lifestyle.  If only we would teach our young people to love themselves and appreciate their own talents, our world would indeed be a very different place. This art of "graciously saying no" is one to be mastered and kept.  It is one to be taught to our children early and revisited and reinforced often.  How will you take this concept and apply it to your life?   Have fun and as always, enjoy the process!

Given the time of the year with the fullness of the holidays, give yourself permission to say "no".   I suggest to listen to your body and get in touch with your values before you commit to any activity.  I guarantee you that your holidays will be magical, you will make more energy AND you will truly be able to give thanks for all the gifts life has given you.

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